It undercuts every thought and physical movement I have. It blocks the flow of ideas in my head. To be sleep deprived is to cut all tasks in the day that aren’t due tomorrow, then finish what’s left with the lowest passable quality and least amount of time.
All my aspirations are too far out of the reach of my addled mind, and I subconsciously lose sight of the bigger picture. Without this, I lose motivation to finish tasks, and I end up in the very holes I was writing about getting out of yesterday, if I’m not very careful (and in this state, it’s hard to).
More insidiously, dark memories resurface at the back of my mind. Memories of being torn between emotions. Memories of entire weeks spent being torn between my ego and my health. Memories of torn hamstrings.
Normally, I soldier on through the miasma and end up sleeping late again. One sleep deprived day often leads to many more.
Sleep allows me to reset whatever switches I didn’t get to reset the night before. My mind is wiped clean of bad memories and extraneous thoughts. I can simply focus better. So, in all reality, the safest thing to do is call it quits as early as I can and hope for a fresh, early restart the next day.
Which is exactly what I’m going to do right now. Good night.